Can people tell you no?
When no is not an acceptable answer, then it’s not a question.
I appreciate being asked for my input. I respond to requests far better than commands. Commands piss me off or shut me down. Requests light up my brain. Requests give me permission to engage.
As such, I believe in leading others with a request-driven style. Asking questions is a very effective and respectful way to lead, influence, and unlock the contributions of people above, around and below you in the org chart.
But can people tell you no?
“If no is not an acceptable answer, then it’s not a question”.
A key mentor and my favorite boss would say this occasionally as I grew into leadership roles. It’s a wise reminder.
As a leader, you must be mindful that your requests may often be perceived as commands. Authority Bias is real, and the HIPPO shows up, even when phrased with a question mark.
The onus is on you to ensure that every question is genuine. This can be communicated implicitly (tone, phrasing) and explicitly (”You can say no”).
When a command is clothed as a one-right-answer-question, the power of the invitation is lost. Make this a habit, and engagement will be replaced with resignation and even resentment. What happens to creativity when a leader routinely asks for input on decisions that have already been made? (Sigh)
Be impeccable with your word
Be honest with yourself and others. There may be times when you simply are not asking. This is also the onus of leadership. A director is paid to direct. If you have already built a culture of invitation, engagement and request leadership, then clear directives used sparingly will be appreciated.
And if you are the one being asked? How do you answer a leading question with a productive “No”? That will need to be another article. 😆